He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
