I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
