I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
