your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
