how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
