I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
