So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
