Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
