At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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