Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
