Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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