Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
