we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
