The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
