I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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