TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
