Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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