I love black thongs
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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