Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
