in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
