Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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