do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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