I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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