it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
