Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
