I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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