our cab driver is having phone sex.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
