Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
