He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
