TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
