i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
