Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
