don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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