i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
