I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
