we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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