The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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