i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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