Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
