My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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