Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
