i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
