Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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