capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
