so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
