glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
