My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
