I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
