I love black thongs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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