Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
