apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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