Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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