I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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