just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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