Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
