So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
