We're like a lot better than the average bears
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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